I won't start this entrie off cursing my brains out..though a lot of curses are in mind right now, because that is not how my day started out at all.
This morning/afternoon, was really good. Alain came over and we hung out. Watched TV, slept, the usual [which I dont mind at all..id give up all my unusuals for 24/7 usuals with him =]] and at 4 he brang me to the mall [today Cris scheduled me for 5]. We walked around the mall, he bought me water and we just hung out until I had to go to "Joycy Levits' to start my wonderful shift.
Well if you are guessing that this is where the bad part comes in...then you are right. I do a bunch of shit that I wont get into because it is uncessisary and boring..then cris calls me in to count money. We started talking and she told me that the mall is crazy busy today. Well I figured that maybe it was like a Friday..busier then most days but not as bad as Saturdays. Hah. Boy was I in for a suprise.
I got so fustrated tonight. It seemed that everyone was taking things so personally. I really do not understand why everything has to be about race. Is our culture [united states culture] so mixed up and self concious that everyhting has to resort to "She/he is treating me like this because I am [incert ethnicity here]"??
For example. This is an incident from tonight that really sticks out in my mind because it shook me up pretty badly..my nerves must have been on edge after she left for about an hour. I ring up this lady and she hands me a credit card. For those who do not know; Joyce Leslie company policy states that all credit cards used must be signed. So I take the card and tell her it needs to be signed, she hands me her police liscence and gives me the credit card again..so i tell her that though I saw her license I still need her to sign the back. So she starts yelling at me saying "I am about to walk the fuck out of this store then! i dont sign credit cards!" and her friend is joining in on it. Finally I get her to sign the damn peice of plastic.
Before I go any further I should tell you how our credit card system is set up. We have to turn our backs to the register/costumer and walk about 2 feet to a credit card terminal. Then after everything is done at the terminal, we have to go back to register and swipe the card.
So I go toward the terminal and they start talking about me. Saying that if one of my 'little white friends' came to the store and gave me an unsigned credit card then I would let them go. [which isnt true either because company policy tells me i cant even ring up my 'little white friends'] Anyway, they say that along with some other remarks that where a bit hurtful and insinuations that i am a racist [which, if you know me, you know that is one of the biggest things that will set me off because it is somehting I am completely against]. I come back to the register to swipe and her friend is trying to grab the credit card out of my hand. I tell her calmly to wait a second when I swipe it then i give it to her and i bag there clothes. they say that they arent coming back that the store is rediculous ect. ect. And what am I thinking? GOOD FUCKING RIDANCE.
So anyway..the point of my story is that it is pretty fucked up to think that just because you are white, spanish, black, asian blue green ect. people are out to get you and make your life harder. ITs funny actually, because while she is over there thinking I am the biggest white supremisist in the world, I am thinking about going home and talking to my black boyfriend..who i am completely and utterly in love with...and whose race never got in the way of anything between us [aside from remarks from ignorant people..but i mean me and him ..fuck outside forces..]
Seriously, why does everything have to be about race? why cant people just accept a damn company policy without thinking that I am trying to make there life harder just because they are of different pigment.
Why is it that when someone wants to return something without a receit and I cant do it[once again company policy], its automatically because I dont want to help a girl who isnt the same color as me.
Why would I possibly change a sale because your spanish? [buy one get one half off..i rang her up half off the lesser value .. isnt that with all stores? well it doesnt matter..thats our store policy anyway.]
Yes all this happened today. It really really annoys me that people can be so ignorant to think that I say or do things because i am discriminating against them.
Its funny how a cop...who should know a thing or too about security and policys can go so crazy over a security measure in a store. SHouldnt she be one of the main ones who think that stores have these policys? Shouldnt she be for it not against it..and not questioning me about it? Didnt she realize that if i didnt make her sign just because shes a cop i would have to let other people off the hook for signing. I dont care who you are or what you do or if your skin color is green.. you have to do it. God forbid she was a crooked cop..and plenty of them exist. God forbid the store sent her in there to make sure that I was doing my job, and doing it right. It had nothing to do with skin, why couldnt she see that.
Racism is an epidemic..and its effecting people that are totally against it. People who want nothing to do with it. Mainly, the people who say that a person is doing somemthing to them because of the color of their skin..they are usualy the racist ones.
Ugh idk...I just feel so sick after working today. The place was a mess..people were yelling and screaming and acting crazy..ive had all i can take for the night.
If tomorrow is anything like this...ugh i dont even want to think of tomorrow being like this.
today was worse then a saturday and if you have ever worked in the mall... then i bet you feeel really bad for me.
This song makes me happy though..its really uplifting..i was so happy when it came on in the store..it made me feel good for that little bit of time. Kirk Franklin--looking for you